What is grief in children?

Grief in children is the emotional and physical response to a loss. Children and grief can look different than adult grief—kids may move in and out of sadness, ask repeated questions, or show changes in behavior, sleep, or appetite.

How do children understand death at different ages?

Young children may not understand that death is permanent, while older children and teens usually understand death as final. How children understand death depends on age, development, and past experiences, so explanations should be simple, honest, and age-appropriate.

What should I say to a child when someone dies?

Use clear, simple language. You can say, “They died, which means their body stopped working and they won’t come back.” Avoid confusing phrases like “went to sleep.” Let your child ask questions and answer as honestly as you can.

Is it normal for children to grieve differently than adults?

Yes. Children and grief often show up in bursts—kids may seem okay while playing and then become upset later. Some children show sadness, while others show anger, worry, or physical symptoms. There is no single “right” way for a child to grieve.

What are common signs of grief in children?

Common signs include sadness, irritability, clinginess, changes in sleep or appetite, trouble focusing at school, worries about safety, or acting younger than usual (like tantrums or bedwetting). These reactions can be part of a normal grief process.

How can I support a grieving child at home?

Support starts with safety and connection. Keep routines as steady as possible, invite your child to share feelings without forcing them, and offer simple coping options like drawing, writing, looking at photos, or creating a memory box. Reassure them they are not alone.

Should children attend funerals or memorial services?

Some children benefit from being included, while others may prefer not to attend. Explain what to expect in advance and offer choices for how they participate, such as lighting a candle, sharing a memory, or making something to remember the person.

How can I help a teenager who is grieving?

Teens may grieve privately or show emotions as anger, withdrawal, or risk-taking. Offer support without pressure, check in regularly, and encourage healthy outlets and trusted adults (like a counselor, coach, or family member) if they’re open to it.

How long does grief last in children?

Grief doesn’t follow a fixed timeline. Many children feel waves of grief over time, especially around anniversaries, holidays, or life milestones. With support and stability, most children learn ways to cope, even though feelings may return at different moments.

When should I seek professional help for a grieving child?

Consider extra support if intense symptoms last for weeks or interfere with daily life—such as ongoing withdrawal, persistent sleep problems or nightmares, severe behavior changes, school refusal, or talk about wanting to be with the person who died or self-harm. A mental health professional can help your child and family navigate grief safely.

Children and Grief: How to Support Kids Through Loss

Child expressing feelings through writing while coping with grief at home

Helping Children Through Grief and Loss

December 17, 2025

Helping children through grief and loss means giving them a safe and caring place where they can share their feelings and begin to understand what’s happening. Because children understand death differently at different ages, it’s important to support them in a way that makes sense for their stage of development. This guide shares simple, helpful ways to support children as they go through their own grief process.

How Children Understand Grief at Different Ages

Ages 2–5 (Toddlers/Preschoolers): Young children may not understand that death is permanent. They might think the person will come back. This is normal at this age.

Support Tip: Use simple, clear words. Say “He died, which means his body stopped working and he won’t come back.” Avoid saying things like “He went to sleep,” which can make children afraid of sleeping.
Support Tip: Keep it short, calm, and comforting.

Ages 6–9 (Early Childhood): Children in this age group are beginning to understand that death is forever. But they may think it only happens to others.

Support Tip: Be ready to answer a lot of questions. Let them know it is okay to feel all kinds of emotions.
Support Tip: Try to keep their daily routine as normal as possible.

Ages 10–12 (Late Childhood): Children this age have a better understanding of death. They can talk more clearly about how they feel.

Support Tip: Encourage them to talk. Offer drawing, or writing as ways to express their feelings
Support Tip: Let them join in any memorial events but explain what these mean and let them choose how to be involved.

Teens: Teenagers usually understand death the way adults do. But they may not show sadness openly. They may act angry, pull away, or take more risks.

Support Tip: Give them space but let them know you’re there to talk or listen. Friends or counselors can also help.

Talk Open and Honestly

Use simple, age-appropriate words. Instead of saying “passed away” say “died” to avoid confusion.
Ask open questions like, “What are you feeling right now?” instead of “Are you sad?”
Let them ask questions and answer honestly, even if the answer is, “I don’t know.”
Listen more than you talk.
Use comforting phrases like:
“It’s okay to cry.”
“You’re not alone in this.”
“We’ll get through this together.”

Normalize Feelings and Reactions

Let them feel: There is likely to be a range of emotions including sadness, anger, fear, confusion, guilt, or even relief. Let them know that all of these are okay.

Show them it’s okay to grieve by gently sharing your own feelings. Try not to overwhelm them with your emotions. If they act younger than usual (like bedwetting or tantrums), be patient. Don’t try to fix their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to feel however they feel. Remind them that grief is different for everyone, and that’s okay.

Keep Routines and Involve Them in Goodbyes

Sticking to daily routines (like meals, bedtime, and school) can help kids feel safe. Let them participate in saying goodbye in ways that feel right for them.

If they want to go to a funeral or make something special to remember the person, support that. Possible ideas:

Light a candle together
Share memories
Look at photos
Create a memory box or scrapbook

Know When to Get Extra Help

Grief is different for every child. But some signs mean they might need help from a mental health professional:

Acting out in angry or harmful ways for a long time
Feeling sad or withdrawn for weeks
Trouble sleeping or frequent nightmares
Not eating much or eating too much
School problems or going back to younger behaviors (like bedwetting or baby talk)
Talking about wanting to be with the person who died or saying things about hurting themselves

We’re Here for You and Your Child

Imagine Pediatrics is dedicated to improving the health and lives of children with special health care needs. We provide 24/7 virtual and in-home care and support. Our integrated medical, mental, and social care is personalized to meet the needs of your child. We don’t replace your child’s current care team. We work with them to give your child more access to the specialized care they need, whenever they need it. Our services are often at no cost if they are part of your child’s existing health plan benefits. Learn more about us here or call us (833) 208-7770.

Legal Disclaimer

This information is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals for medical concerns. In case of emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.

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